I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
