No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
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