John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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