My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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