I am puke
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
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