my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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