if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Randomize
