what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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