i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
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i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
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last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
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