You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
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