dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize
