it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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