New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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