So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
