alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I have vodka in my lungs
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
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