I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
