can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
