Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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