So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
