Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
