This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Randomize
