Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
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