I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Randomize
