I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
