first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
are you so shy because you have an std?
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I think I sprained my soul last night
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
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