Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
