How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I forget how to act sober
Randomize