I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
