this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
