So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
