how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Randomize
