So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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