Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Randomize
