His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
