Kiss
Puke
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Randomize
