If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
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