Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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