Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
