bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
We are all done wearing pants today
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
Randomize
