Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
You need Xanax blowdarts
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
