its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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