hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
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