Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
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