You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Randomize
