Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
