I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
