In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
