I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
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Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
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Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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