can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
