at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Randomize
