i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
