I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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