you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
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Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
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Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
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