I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
