dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
pray to the hookup gods
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
