i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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