If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
