I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
areolas are like halos for boobs.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
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