finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize