Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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