He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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