I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
