Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
