I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
