R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
