felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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