id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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