halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Hippo gnu deer
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
